Understanding Boundaries – A Starting Point
Understanding boundaries is essential to caring for ourselves.
Creating a feeling of safety, maintaining a healthy environment, defining appropriate behavior, and setting expectations for ourselves and within relationships, can help avoid feelings of frustration when our needs are not met.
In the article Understanding the Six Types of Boundaries, Dr. Nedra Glover Twwab, explains that boundaries can be created to offer intellectual, emotional, sexual, time, material, and physical protection and allow us to fulfill potentially unmet needs.
It is important to remember that the establishment of healthy boundaries requires personal reflection, that your needs are communicated with clarity, and remain consistent and direct.
Boundaries can be set with family (or chosen family), romantic partners, friends, acquaintances, and within the workplace. Some examples of this in action are:
Requesting that your emotional or physical space be respected.
Taking time to make decisions and offering a response when you feel ready.
Setting limits on how your personal finances are spent.
Requesting privacy and or changes to offer more privacy if needed.
Requesting autonomy on decisions surrounding faith or spirituality.
Deciding to limit or modify contact due to repeated boundary violations.
It is important to remember that boundaries are not a one-size-fits-all and can differ depending on your needs, cultural norms, and the circumstances that you may be presented with. It is perfectly acceptable to take time to reflect on your needs, understand how best boundaries fit within your life, and, when/if appropriate, redefine your boundaries.
Here are some ways to start this process:
Remember that no one person can tell YOU how to set YOUR boundaries.
Consider reflecting on what would feel beneficial to you, how the emotions sit, and what areas of your life feel important to enact a boundary in.
Communicate your boundary with as much clarity as possible to the person or persons intended.
Be consistent with your boundary and ensure that, wherever possible, the lines remain defined and clear.
Address when boundaries are crossed.
Be prepared for the emotion.
Consider seeking additional support outside of your circle of care in the form of therapeutic intervention.
Resources:
Glover Twwab, N. (n.d.). Understanding the Six Types of Boundaries. Pesi. https://www.pesi.com/blog/details/2169/understanding-the-six-types-of-boundaries
Snopek, N. Personal Boundaries [Photograph]. https://www.shutterstock.com/image-vector/character-drawing-line-around-themselves-neon-1807904476