When Someone Responds to Your Boundaries with Anger
Okay, so you have established a new boundary, and you were met with anger. Now what?
It is important to recognize that setting boundaries is a crucial part of maintaining healthy relationships. However, it is not uncommon for someone to respond with anger or defensiveness when confronted with new boundaries. If you have experienced this kind of reaction when setting boundaries with someone, it can be disheartening. On one hand, you don't want to back down and allow someone to continue ignoring your needs. On the other hand, you may feel guilty or responsible for the other person's reaction.
It's also important to consider why the other person may be responding with anger. Sometimes, people may feel threatened or rejected when someone sets a boundary. They may be used to having control over the relationship and feel uncomfortable when that control is challenged. Other times, they may not have a clear understanding, hold feelings of guilt or shame about their behaviour, or lack connection to how their actions may have been received.
It's crucial to remember that it is not your responsibility to soothe their anger. You can only control your own actions and reactions. While it's important to approach the other person with empathy and compassion, it's equally important to not allow their anger to continue to rattle your resolve.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind if someone responds to your boundaries with anger:
Remember that your boundaries are valid: It's okay to prioritize your own needs, even if it means upsetting someone else.
Be mindful of how their reaction is making you feel: When someone responds to your boundaries with anger, it can be easy to get swept up in the emotion of the moment. Receiving anger when asserting boundaries can trigger feelings of guilt, fear, or self-doubt.
Use "I" statements: When communicating your boundaries, try to use "I" statements rather than "you" statements. This can help the other person feel less criticized or attacked and more receptive to your message.
Practice self-care and boundary reinforcement: Engage in self-care practices that replenish your emotional reserves and promote self-compassion. Set clear consequences for boundary violations and consider reinforcing them if necessary.
Offer alternatives or compromises: If it is within your comfort zone, consider offering alternatives. However, be mindful not to compromise your well-being for the sake of appeasing others.
Seek professional support through therapy.
Therapy can be invaluable in navigating the emotional complexities surrounding the anger received. A therapist can provide a non-judgmental space to explore your emotions, understand patterns, and develop effective strategies for managing conflict. Therapy can also help you identify and address any underlying issues that contribute to your emotional responses.
Image Citation: Towner, J. (2016). Beam of light on a forest road. https://unsplash.com/. Retrieved from https://unsplash.com/photos/3Kv48NS4WUU.