Found Family and Relationship Anarchy
Family day seems like the perfect day to discuss an increasingly popular lens through which to view relationships: relationship anarchy. First coined by Andie Nordgren in 2012, relationship anarchy encourages people to deconstruct hierarchical ideas about which relationships carry what level of importance. Here’s a good example: I can marry a stranger and add them to my health insurance policy instead of my mother or best friend. This is evidence of how marriages are sometimes valued more by the state than other relationships.
Today’s rambling focuses on the importance placed on biological familial relationships.
If I’m admitted to a hospital, my closest friend that I may trust more than a sibling or parent is not able to inquire about my health because they are not “family.” People often only discuss traumas or major life changes with family and expect others to do the same. Biological family can obviously be a wonderful source of support and love, and I am not encouraging people to devalue their family. Families created by choice, however, also have a place in celebrating important relationships. LGBTQ+ people face ostracization from their biological families and have to forge the relationships they need to survive instead of relying on blood relatives. Notably, a study from 2018 highlighted that over half of LGB adults over 50 surveyed call a friend in emergencies, compared to less than 10% who call family members.
Relationship anarchy reminds us that relationships outside of family can be just as powerful and sometimes more powerful, depending on the person. We do not have to rely on the idea that relationships prioritized by the state and cultural norms are the most important ones.
What if institutions viewed friendship as equally important and powerful as biological or legal relationships? What if you were encouraged to lean on friends just as much as family, and you weren’t made to feel guilty for distancing yourself from family sometimes?
Reflecting on how we may unintentionally prioritize certain relationships based on dominant cultural narratives helps me refocus on my values. My family is exactly who I want them to be.