The holidays can be a time of great joy but can also be filled with complex layers of emotion in navigating tricky dynamics with difficult family members. 

The reality is no person, and no family is perfect. We all come to the table with our own lived experiences, dreams, flaws, vulnerabilities, and expectations. 

In a perfect world, we can recognize areas for growth and still hold space to love and respect one another. But the reality for many is that time with family – especially over the holiday(s) can create an impossible-to-avoid situation with dynamics that can be just the opposite of joy or festive. 

I also argue that societal messaging plays a huge role in defining for us how the holidays are meant to be enjoyed. This does not account for the profound range of circumstances and emotions that simply don’t fit that mold. 

This can involve truly any relationship whether this is an: in-law, parent, aunt/uncle, grandparent, sibling, or extended family member. 

As a result of these deeply rooted relationships, we can often have challenges navigating setting boundaries, practicing self-advocacy, protecting our peace, or simply saying “NO” to expectations that inherently cause layers of guilt or resentment. 

I firmly believe that despite these intricacies, and across cultures and lived experiences we are all deserving of advocating for our internal needs and safeguarding our peace. Starting the process to identify what your healthy limits are can slowly start the process of protecting your internal peace and allowing space for recovery this holiday season!

7 Questions to Start Asking Yourself 

• Do I know what my limits are?

• What are my strategies to ensure I have time to recharge?

• Have I defined what my boundaries are? And have I expressed this to others?

• Do I have an exit strategy if I feel my boundaries have been breached?

• What has/hasn’t worked well in previous years?

• What are my expectations from attending ___ event?

• How do I feel about engaging with ___? And do I have the emotional bandwidth to do so? 

• If I am approached with a question or comment that feels intrusive what is the plan to deflect? 

The intention is not to have all the answers, but to start the process of internally questioning what your needs are, and what is important to you, hold space for any emotion, and allow for your needs to be accounted for – in any relationship.

8 Reminders This Season

• Giving yourself permission to say yes or no to invitations or requests does not make you selfish. 

• You are not expected to make everyone happy. 

• You are not obligated to be in a festive and cheery mood. 

• It is okay to stay home and take care of your unmet needs. 

• It’s okay to stay home with a few chosen family members and make new traditions. 

• Being honest about your capacity and energy levels. 

• It is okay to leave a gathering early. 

• It is also okay to stay if you feel comfortable. 

• If needed, ask for personal space or health-related boundaries due to the ongoing risk of COVID-19. 

• Setting limits to spending on gifts to family members is also valid. 

Your peace matters, your feelings matter, and your health and well-being matter.